How Can I Feel Comfortable About Winning?

DEAR SHERRY:

I hope you can help me with this. I’m a very good tennis player but when it comes time for a game, I feel so bad if the other team is losing that I will throw the game. It’s not that I’m not competitive - the funny thing is I am! But seeing the other people look sad just gets to me. I wish I could play and win without feeling this way. Thank you!

BAD WINNER

DEAR BAD WINNER:

No one likes to see anyone sad, but you aren't doing yourself or your opponents any favors by throwing the game.

Does it sound like this situation may be reminding you of a past experience? You might want to ask yourself if there was a time when you shined at something and you were given a direct or indirect message that it wasn't okay. Perhaps you had a sibling that wasn't as smart as you, so your parents didn't celebrate your achievements in an attempt to spare your sibling's feelings, for example.

Maybe your opponent's sadness is reminding you of a time when you were sad about something. So you might feel uncomfortable being in the presence of someone sad because you don't want to be reminded of your own sad feelings.

In life, we win and lose. Losing helps us to develop character and build resilience. We learn how to pick ourselves up, which helps us trust ourselves and develop a sense of confidence and security. When you rescue someone from their feelings, you inadvertently give them the message they aren't capable of dealing with things.

Be the best you can be; it truly inspires others to do the same!

SHERRY