How Do I Trust And Surrender?
DEAR SHERRY:
How do you surrender and trust that everything will work out the way it is supposed to when things are out of your control?
Thank you!
DIFFICULTY LETTING GO
DEAR DIFFICULTY LETTING GO:
I am smiling as I read this because it is so hard for so many of us. It is a process to learn to let go and try not to control things. On my journey, I have learned that it becomes easier and easier to surrender as I connect more to myself.
We often try to control things when we are afraid. The first thing to do is recognize that you are afraid and ask yourself what it is you are afraid of. Then ask yourself if your fears are based on reality. Doing this can help you let go or begin exploring some feelings that you may need to process. For example, let's say your child received a bad grade on a test, and you were afraid that they wouldn’t get into college. Ask yourself if that is really the case? You will hopefully realize that of course, it isn’t, because there is a college for everybody. Let’s say you wanted your child to go to Harvard because everyone in your family has gone there for generations and their grades aren’t good enough to get in. You may need to mourn the end of a legacy and what that means for you versus continuing to nag your child to study because you are worried.
Sometimes things can come up from our past that makes it hard to surrender in the present moment. When we are a child, we are powerless; so many things happen in our life that we often don’t understand that are out of our control. Perhaps your parents fought, or your mom had a drinking problem? Maybe your dad lost his job, or there was a health scare, and no one explained what was happening to you? To protect ourselves, we often disconnect from our emotions and adapt in various ways.
As adults, when things are out of our control, it brings our psyche back to times when we felt confused and powerless as kids. The present circumstance provides an opportunity to heal from that moment in time when we needed to disconnect from our feelings. When you revisit these experiences that you were unable to process at the time entirely, it helps you to surrender. The more you do this, the easier it is to trust that everything unfolds as it is meant to.
The Language of Letting Go, by Melody Beattie, offers short daily meditations that help you feel your emotions, own your power and accept what you can’t control. It has many golden nuggets throughout, and I highly recommend keeping it on your nightstand and reading a passage every morning or evening.
The Serenity Prayer also helps one to be mindful of what they can and can’t control. It is popular in Alcoholics Anonymous but can apply to all of us. It reads as follows:
God grant me the Serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the Courage to change the things I can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference.
As I said, this is a process, be gentle with yourself. If you go within and do the work, it does get easier. If your difficulty letting go creates unmanageable anxiety or depression, reaching out to a therapist can also be a great support.
Wishing you peace and calm in every moment!
Sherry
